Twelve Useful Definitions For Aspiring Poet Laureates

Poetry: Where every line begins with a capital letter, and where the last word of one line rhymes with the last word of the line either immediately above or below it. Ie aa bb cc etc, except in ballad stanza where only alternate lines rhyme abcb or, if the poet is very clever, abab.

Stanza: A posh word for verse.

Verse: An unposh word for stanza.

Metre: Thirty-nine point three seven inches.

Iambic foot: One third of an iambic yard.

Iambic pentameter: An anagram of CIA bent pi-ammeter.

Sonnet: A word that rhymes with bonnet.

Assonance: The opposite of resonance.

Blank verse: What you write when your pen has run out.

Free verse: Poetry not subject to copyright.

Epic: A long, boring poem, usually written in Greek.

Bard: Olde Englishe word for beard.

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