The Ambulance Chaser

It’s doubtful there’s a lower form of life
Than the attorney at law, for you see
There’s none battens off misery and strife
With quite as much voraciousness as he.

Wherever there’s a doubtful extradition,
Wherever there’s a rich man charged with rape,
He’ll dazzle the court with his erudition,
And aid the guilty party to escape.

Wherever there’s a civil litigation
For damages, the case drags on and on,
So by the time you get your compensation
His fees will see most of your money gone.

But if you’ve been mistakenly arrested
For shoplifting, and you’re on Legal Aid,
The CPS’s case he won’t see tested,
Your cries of innocence he will upbraid,

Because to him, your ilk’s a motley shower;
Why should he take on such a paltry case
At forty-six pounds fifty pence an hour
When there are ambulances he can chase?

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