Chief Whip

Dear Mr Proctor, Harvey if I may,
With all thatís recently been writ and said
You still insist youíre not a kink or gay,
Despite that Arab underneath your bed?

Youíre said to favour bringing back the birch,
Of course you do, but sir, it ill-becomes
A member of your party and the Church
To be accused of spanking rent boysí bums.

And now youíve been charged, and youíre up in court,
Perhaps, eventually, your name youíll clear,
At present youíve still got your wardís support,
Though how long that will last, Iíve no idea.

But things could be worse, so donít get depressed,
Youíre not in the same boat as poor Keith Best.

[The above was first published in Wrong Side Of The River. See also Whip Me, Harvey in the anthology Take It Like A Man, and the cartoon (from the Voice newspaper) in the Cartoon Gallery].

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