Despatch Rider Quickie

Scene: An old country house; it is tall, ancient looking, run down and neglected. A despatch rider pulls up outside, climbs off his motor bike, lowers his goggles, gives the place an unwelcoming look, and marches up to the door. He rings the bell, an old-fashioned pull which sounds chilling, macabre. Shortly, it is answered by a man wearing a black cape. He has bloodshot eyes, a widow’s peak, bleached white complexion, and long, hairy hands with pointed fingernails.

Man: YE-E-S (slowly, eerily).

Rider: (Gulps) ER, SPECIAL DELIVERY. (He takes a parcel and pen out of his belt and proffers them. The man steps aside and gestures with a wave of his hand).

Man: THE OFFICE IS ON THE FIRST FLOOR, SIR. COME IN.

Rider: (Gulps again): ER, THANK YOU. (He steps nervously over the threshold and the man closes the door behind him. It makes a loud, booming sound and echoes for several seconds. The rider nearly jumps out of his skin. He steps forward nervously and climbs the long, wide dark staircase; there are cobwebs here and there. At the top, he finds a wide oak door with the word RECEPTION on it. He looks around for a bell, but finding none, lifts the cast iron knocker which echoes dully. The door is opened by a tall, weird loooking girl. She is thin, has wild green streaked black hair, a deathly pale complexion, and bloodshot eyes).

Girl: YES (eerily and smiling to show slightly fanged teeth).

Rider: (Gulps) ER, SPECIAL DELIVERY. (He holds out the parcel and pen to her, but she waves him in).

Girl: THE DOCTOR WILL SIGN FOR IT.

Rider: (Gulps, looking even more nervous) THANK YOU. (He walks into the reception and up to another solid oak door. This one is marked DIRECTOR: DR FRANK N. STEIN. He lifts the knocker and gives it a dull thud. The door is opened by a tall man who bears a striking resemblance to the Frankenstein’s monster as portrayed by Boris Karloff. He does not have bolts through his neck, but his head is nearly flat, and he has operation scars. His complexion is very pale).

Dr Frank N. Stein: Y-E-E-S (Very deep voice).

Rider: (Shaking visibly) SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR YOU, SIR. (He holds out the parcel and pen).

Dr Frank N. Stein: (Takes the parcel and looks down at it slowly, then up at the rider). NO, THIS IS FIENDS OF THE EARTH; YOU WANT FRIENDS OF THE EARTH - HALF A MILE DOWN THE MAIN ROAD (Hands back the parcel).

Rider: OH, S-SORRY, MY M-MISTAKE.

Dr Frank N. Stein: THAT’S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

Scene: The exterior of the house. The following sequence is speeded up a là Benny Hill. The front door opens, the rider runs out and down the steps. The man who had answered the door stands in the doorway watching him go. The rider jumps onto his bike which disappears in a cloud of dust. The front door shuts, and we see a trail of dust blazing up the road.

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