Breathalyser Quickie

Scene: A roadside, evening or night. A car has just been pulled up by a police patrol vehicle. A lone police officer is walking back to the car. The driver winds down the window. He is about forty years old and well dressed. The policeman reaches the car and pokes his head into the window.

Policeman: GOOD EVENING, SIR. DO YOU REALISE YOU WERE TRAVELLING AT 45 MILES PER HOUR?

Man: (Trying to smile): WAS I?

Policeman: YES, SIR. (Sniffing). WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE CAR PLEASE, SIR?

Man: LOOK OFF...

Policeman: (Interrupting) GET OUT OF THE CAR SIR, NOW! (Firmly. He stands back).

(The man obeys, and slams the car door behind him).

Policeman: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING ALCOHOL, SIR?

Man: ME?

Policeman: (Impatiently) YES SIR, YOU!

Man: (Dithering) WELL...

Policeman: (Taking a breathalyser kit from his pocket and holding it up). IíM AFRAID IíM GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO BLOW INTO THIS, SIR. I MUST WARN YOU THAT IF YOU REFUSE, YOU WILL BE COMMITTING A CRIMINAL OFFENCE AND LIABLE TO ARREST. (He hands the man the kit). TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND FILL IT WITH ONE BLOW.

(The man takes the bag, and, taking a deep breath, blows into it. The camera switches to the policemanís face. There is the sound of one continuous blow. When the camera draws back, the breathalyser has grown to the size of a hot air balloon. It rises into the sky taking the man with it).

Back To Comedy Sketches Index