In order to prove your point,
First and foremost you must learn to choose your examples well,
Then, whatever your lies, damned lies or statistics,
You will have hard, nay, irrefutable evidence
That your own pet theory, hypothesis or whatever
Is not just the only possible solution,
But that it should have been obvious to everyone from the word go.
Of course, you will meet with opposition from time to time,
Be it of the highly qualified kind: the professionals,
Or the cynical, unqualified kind: media men.
The former you can ridicule by referring to them publicly as “experts”,
As though the word were meant to be written in italics,
And of course, everybody knows the experts said that
Heavier than air machines were impossible,
That the Titanic was unsinkable,
And that it could never happen here.
The latter you can treat with the contempt they so rightly deserve
By either laughing (reservedly) in their faces,
Or else by talking down to them the way most experts do.
That should be adequate to convince most open-minded individuals,
And to sow seeds of doubt in the minds of even the most hardened skeptics.
In fact, if you have stated your case well,
Probably the only person who will remain totally unconvinced is you,
But take heart from the old axiom:
There is no such thing as objective reality.
So whatever the true facts of the case,
You must be right anyway...
If not from your own frame of reference,
Then from someone else’s.
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