Dressing Room Quickie

 

Scene: A dancer’s dressing room. The dancer enters. She is tall, has long hair and is wearing high heels, a low cut top, tights, sequins. She closes the door, sits down at her dressing table and exhales deeply. She looks up and sees a man reflected in her mirror. He is tall, stockily built and unkept. She gasps, turns around and stands up.

Woman: YOU!

Man: HELLO BABY. (Lazy drawl).

Woman: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Man: I CAME TO SEE YOU.

Woman: (Worried) WHAT FOR? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Man: (Advancing, same lazy drawl). I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.

Woman: (Backing off against the mirror). YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME.

Man: (Still advancing) OR WHAT?

Woman: OR I’LL SCREAM.

Man: (Stopping). DON’T DO THAT, BABY. (Pause. He looks down at her legs).

Man: TAKE OFF THOSE HIGH HEELS, BABY.

(Silence)

Man: (Firmly) TAKE THEM OFF!

(She is terrified, backing right up against the mirror, she works off her shoes with her feet).

Man: THAT’S GOOD, BABY. NOW, JUST DO AS I SAY AND YOU WON’T GET HURT. TAKE OFF YOUR BLOUSE, BABY.

(Still terrified, she obeys. She stands shivering in her underclothes).

Man: GOOD, NOW THE BRA.

Woman: PLEASE, PLEASE.

Man: (Firmly) THE BRA, BABY. TAKE IT OFF.

(She begins removing her bra. The camera focuses only on her face from now on).

Man: GOOD, NOW THE TIGHTS, BABY.

Woman: (Close to tears) PLEEAASSEE.

Man: THE TIGHTS, BABY. AND THE PANTS.

(She does so, and stands holding her head up).

Man: GOOD, BABY. THAT’S REAL GOOD.

Scene: The outside of the dressing room door. There is a short pause, then the woman screams. It is an angry rather than a frightened scream. The door opens and the man comes out. He is dressed in the woman’s clothes. He runs down the corridor. The door closes behind him and opens again. The woman stands in the doorway naked. The camera shows only her top half.

Woman: (Shouting) YOU GODDAMN WORTHLESS FINK. PERVERT! I’LL SEE YOU...

(Her voice becomes incoherent. We see the man flee the building. The camera focuses on the rear view of his hairy legs. We hear the clicking of the too small high heels as he runs off).

Back To Comedy Sketches Index