Follow The Postman
(The True Story Of An Unrepetant Recidivist)

Burglar Bob
Gave up ’is job,
’Ouse breakin’ was too risky,
What wiv police
In souped up cars,
An’ guard dogs loud ’n frisky.
Try somethin’ new,
But what’s t’do
On this part o’ the coast, man?
A thoughtful crime,
You’ll not do time
For followin’ the postman!

The new day broke
An’ Bob awoke
To tail ’is postie victim,
The man would pour
Mail through each door,
An’ Bob dived in an’ dipped ’em!
Just five or six
Of these cheap tricks
A week, each one a giro,
Into the pub,
A shop or club,
An’ forge the name in biro.

A clever scheme:
Know what I mean?
’E did it for a long while,
Until, oh dear,
The law’s round ’ere,
You’ve slipped up, Bob, get mobile.
Took to ’is ’eels,
But they ’ad wheels,
An’ felt ’is jacket collar,
It’s a fair cop.
Back to the shop.
’E don’t give ’em no bovver.

’E didn’t think,
’E left a print,
A clear one, on a giro,
They nicked ’im for
That one, no more,
Now ’e’s be’ind barbed wire-o.
Two and a half?
Don’t make me laugh,
That sentence I’m appealin’,
That’s far too rough,
The law’s too tough,
It’s only petty thievin’.

’E’s learned a lot,
Forget ’im not,
’E won’t get done the next time.
’E won’t leave prints,
Or so ’e thinks,
It’s better than most, this crime.
So, when ’e’s bird
’E’s done, I’ve ’eard
’E’s off back to the coast, man.
What, back to work?
Course not, you berk!
’E’s followin’ the postman!

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