Stephen Waldorf On His Ideal Car


I’m not a fussy type,
I’ve no great preference
For any colour, plain ot stripe.
I don’t care if it’s black or white,
Or yellow, grey or green,
If it’s got two doors, four or six,
Or if it’s cheap or costs a lot,
I don’t care if it’s blue and red with purple polka dots;
I’m not the least bit bothered if it’s an automatic,
Or right hand drive, or left hand drive,
Shaped like a shoe box, or a bee hive!
It may be made in Britain,
It may come from Hong Kong,
It may purr like a kitten,
Or roar like a tiger,
I’ll not be bothered if it does either,
I don’t care it it breaks down twice a week,
I don’t care if it’s got moth eaten seats,
I don’t care if it’s fitted with a corrugated roof,
The one and only thing it has to be
Is bulletproof!

(The above and Brief Ode To White Windsor were first published in THE STRADISHALL FLYER, Autumn [1984], page 4).

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