The Smell Of Pork

My name is Sergeant Smellie, and I have a tale to tell,
The Lie is what I told in court, the verdict is the Smell.
I am a rozzer big and mean protecting the Queen’s peace
From left wing propaganda and G20 proper geese.

They think they have a cast iron right, these scum, to go protesting,
They do, but we’ve the right to go battering and arresting,
And that’s what I did to this little leftie pipsqueak runt,
“Get back!”
Take that and that and that, you smurfing commie cunt!

Pig’s work – nice face, shame about the leg!

Unfortunately it was captured on a mobile phone,
And soon I was suspended (on full pay!) and packed off ’ome,
Well, they had to go through the motions, I think you’ll agree,
But just look at the size of her, and at the size of me.

I was in fear of my life, M’Lady; look at the size of her and at the size of me ↓

                                                      This way, Pig!

And so months passed, then came the day when I stood in the dock,
As proud as punch, as bold as brass and feisty as a cock,
But suddenly I was all timid when asked how I’d felt,
They were about to riot, I had to give her a belt.

It’s true I say, I had to slap her, and to whack her thigh,
Not once, but twice, but even so, she made me want to cry,
I really thought I’d had my chips when I saw in her hand
A carton full of orange juice, that’s why I took a stand.

Honest, I thought it was a brick, and that she was in charge,
You do believe me, don’t you judge? Trust in your friendly sarge.
And any case, she’s not in court, what’s she so scared about?
(And but for that film I’d have denied givin’ ’er a clout!)

Masonic handshakes all around as stipe says: “Case dismissed!”
And Smellie and his chums in blue are off out to get pissed.
I beat the fucker black and blue, he said, but you’ll agree
She ’ad it comin’ to her tanglin’ with a pig like me.

“She’s lucky she didn’t end up like that other cunt, Ian Tomlinson!”

April 1, 2010

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