POETRY BY ALEXANDER BARON

 

The poems in this section were written over a period of years. A few have been published or self-published elsewhere, for example Journeyman was published in 1995 in a short lived boxing fanzine called JABS & JOLTS. Dying For A Fag and The Song Of Mary Whitehouse (one of my finer efforts) were published in July 1994 anthology TAKE IT LIKE A MAN! The ITMA Book Of ďGayĒ Verse.

Iíve been called many things in my life but never politically correct, so if you are easily offended or outraged I suggest you look elsewhere for your iambic pentameters.

Alexander Baron,
September 13, 2000

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2010: A LAMENT
A CALL FOR HUMANENESS
A CHALLENGE TO INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU
A FACT OF MY LIFE
A FAREWELL TO FRYING PANS
A FEW WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THOSE WHO DESERVED BETTER
A GOOD CATHOLIC
A KISS BEFORE DYING
A LIMERICK A DAY
A MOMENT IN TIME (1)
A MOMENT IN TIME (2)
A NATURAL HISTORY LESSON
A PAGE TO NIGEL GRANT
A POEM FOR TERRY JONES
A POSEUR LAMENTS
A PRAYER AGAINST THE GLC
A PROMISE OF BED
A PURPOSE STRONG AND BRIGHT (Anthology)
A QUESTION OF PRIORITIES
A QUESTION TO THE HOUSE
A ROOM WITH A VIEW
A SAD, SAD TALE
A SONG FOR SHILLS
A SONG FOR SLIME
A SPELL TO CURE DIARRHOEA
A TALE OF TWO EX-CONS
A WOMANíS RIGHT TO CHOOSE
A WORD OF CAUTION
A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE (1)
A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE (2)
AFTER THE SECOND SNOW
ALL I WANT IS A MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE
ALL THE NASTIES
AN ADDRESS BY SIR FRANCIS GALTON...TO...THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE
AN EPISTLE TO MR POPE
AN ANTIDOTE TO XENOPHOBIA
AN ODE TO NATURAL SELECTION (with introduction)
AN ODE TO THE AEDL
AN ODE TO THE GOVERNOR
AN OFFAL THOUGHT
AN ORIGINAL INSULT
ANARCHIST POEM
AND THE WORD
ANGEL LOST HER HALO
ANONYMOUS (1)
ANONYMOUS (2)
ANONYMOUS (3)
ANONYMOUS (4)
ANONYMOUS (5)
ANONYMOUS (6)
ANTHEM
ANTI-APARTHEID...APPEAL...
APHORISM (1)
APHORISM (2)
APHORISM (3)
AROUND THE WORLD
AS YOU REALLY ARE
ATHEISTíS ANTHEM
AUTUMN EVENING
BALLADE OF BOOZE
BARRY TAKES IT UP THE BUM
BASIL
BE A FRIEND OF THE EARTH
BELT UP
BETTS PARK IN AUTUMN
BEWARE, THE ONE-EYED GOD!
BILLIONS FOR THE BANKERS
BIG MART (with introduction)
BIG SHOT
BIRD
BIRDS IN THE SNOW
BLACK LADY
BLACK SKY
BLUE MURDER
BONNIE AND CLYDE
BRIEF ODE TO WHITE WINDSOR
BRITAINíS POLICE: THE BEST MONEY CAN BUY
BRITISH CROWS
BROWN EYES
BUCKING THE RHYTHMS AGAIN
BUCKSHOT (with introduction)
BUTTERFLY
CALL ME DAVE
CAT!
CENTRAL TERRESTRIAL ARCHIVES
CHAMELEON
CHESS LESSONS
CHICANERIA
CHILDHOODíS END
CHIMERAS
CHRISTIAN LOGIC
CIDER IN WARMINSTER
CIRCLES
CITY KID
COMING OF AGE
CONTINUUM
CREEP
CRIES AND WHISPERS
CYCLOPS
DAVID LAWS
DAYS
DAYS OF THE WEEK
DE PROFUNDIS (1)
DE PROFUNDIS (2)
DECEMBER DAYS
DEER ME
DELIBERATE STRANGER
DESCARTES DEMON
DISTANCE
DONíT CALL IT GAY (with introduction)
DONíT CALL IT LOVE (with introduction)
DOWN WITH DAVID DUKE!
DR. MAGNUS PIKE TO THE LOVELY AIMEE McDONALD
DREAMS
DYING FOR A FAG
EASTER POEM FOR LOVE LOST NEVER FOUND
ECHOES OF SPAIN
EGO SONG
EIGHTEEN
…LITES
EMPTY ROOMS
ENCOUNTERS
EPITAPH FOR LORD LONGFORD
EPITHET AND LABEL
EUDEMONIST MAN
EVERY CROWD HAS A SILVER LINING
EXORCISM
EYE OF THE BEHOLDER
FADS
FAITS ACCOMPLI
FALLEN HEROES (ARE LESS THAN ZEROS)
FAVOURITE COMEDIANS
FILL UP YOUR DAYS (AN ADDRESS TO PAULINUS)
FIVE ORIGINAL WAYS YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE TO POETRY TODAY
FIVES ALIVE
FLEETING MOMENTS
FLOG IT TO DEATH
FLYING
FOLLOW THE POSTMAN
FOOTPRINTS
FOR ALWAYS AND NEVER
FORCE (ULTIMATELY)
FOUR MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT
FOUR REASONS I WONíT DO ANOTHER LAP TONIGHT
FOX - THE SECOND PHASE
FOXY KNOXY
FRANKENSTEIN 2000
FREE THE KRAYS
FUCK OFF (with introduction)
FUTILITY
GAY RIGHTS FOR PALESTINE!
GEORGE ZIMMERMAN
GET OUT OF HERE
GHOUL
GIVE BLOOD PLAY RUGBY
GIVE US A KISS (with introduction)
GOLDEN DELICIOUS
GOLDFISH
GRACELAND
HAIKU (VARIOUS)
HARD TIMES TO COME
HENRY FJORD
HEREíS RAT POISON FOR YOU (with introduction)
HEROES!
HILLARY
HILLARY WHO?
HITLERíS BIG MISTAKE (with introduction)
HOMAGE TO THE QUARK GOD
HOURS
I KILLED A QUEER
I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER
I SAW A GIRL UPON THE STAIR
I SAW A MAN UPON THE STAIR
I SAW A SHOOTING STAR TONIGHT
I SLEEP ALONE
I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE
IF A MAN BE MAD
In Praise Of AIDS: An Ode To HIV (with introduction)
IN SEARCH OF INSPIRATION
IN SEARCH OF RHYME
IN SNOWDONIA
INCANTATION
INNER CITY
IRONY CITY
IT TURNS MY STOMACH (with introduction)
ITíS A DOGíS LIFE
JAMES R.I.P.
JENNY LIVES WITH ERIC AND MARTIN
JET SLAG (with introduction)
JEWS MUST LIVE (WHY ANTI-SEMITISM?)
JOE MORLEY
JOIN A PRESSURE GROUP
JOIN THE NATIONAL FRONT
JOURNEYMAN
JUBILEE
JULIAN LENNON
JUSTICE
KADDISH
KISS DADDY GOODNIGHT (with introduction)
LAMENT
LAMENT FOR A TIGER
LAMENT FOR THE DAMNED
LAND LOCKED
LEAVES
LEGACY
LESSONS
LESSONS OF THE SLATE MINE
LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE (with introduction)
LETíS HEAR IT FOR THE GUVíNER!
LEVIATHANíS FAREWELL
LINDA CARTY
LINES ON IRELANDíS ENDORSEMENT OF SODOMY
LINES ON THE ACQUITTAL OF CHED EVANS
LINES ON THE ACQUITTAL OF NIGEL EVANS
LINES ON THE CONVICTION OF LEVI BELLFIELD FOR THE MURDER OF AMANDA JANE DOWLER
LINES ON THE CONVICTION OF MAZHER MAHMOOD
LINES ON THE DEATH OF ACKER BILK
LINES ON THE DEATH OF AMY WINEHOUSE
LINES ON THE DEATH OF ARIEL SHARON
LINES ON THE DEATH OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR
LINES ON THE DEATH OF FARAH FAWCETT
LINES ON THE DEATH OF JOAN RIVERS
LINES ON THE DEATH OF KRISTIAN DIGBY
LINES ON THE DEATH OF MICHAEL JACKSON
LINES ON THE DEATH OF MYRA HINDLEY
LINES ON THE DEATH OF SEVERIANO BALLESTEROS
LINES ON THE DEATH OF VISCOUNT STANSGATE
LINES ON THE DEATHS OF JIMMY HILL AND GREVILLE JANNER
LINES ON THE DEATHS OF TED LOWE, HENRY COOPER AND OSAMA BIN LADEN
LINES ON THE FALL OF JOHN GALLIANO
LINES ON THE MURDER OF ANN MAGUIRE
LINES ON THE RESIGNATION OF DOMINIQUE STRAUSS-KAHN
LINES ON THE TRANSITION OF PRIVATE BRADLEY MANNING
LISTEN
LONG WEEKEND
LOVE SONG (1)
LOVE SONG (2)
LOVERíS LAMENT
LUCRE LIES
(MAD AS A) MIDNIGHT FOX
MADE IN MANHATTAN
MAGGIEíS FARM
MAID OF VALHALLA
MALCOLM
MAN OVERBOARD
MANIC DEPRESSION
MARK THATCHERíS SONG TO THE UNEMPLOYED
MARTIAN LANDSCAPE
MENACHEM BEGINíS SONG
MICROCOSMS
MIDAS SHADOW
MISALLIANCE
MONICA LEWINSKY TELLS ALL
MOOD
MORBIDITY
MOTHER
MR BROOK, I PRESUME
MR NOBODY
MUMíS THE WORD
MURDER (FOR PLEASURE) INCORPORATED
MURDER IN MIND
MUSINGS IN THE REFERENCE LIBRARY
MY DARLING PIG, MARIA
MYTHOLOGIES
NANCY GRACE
NEVER BE A CYNIC
NEVER MIND YESTERDAY
NIHILISM AS AN ART FORM
NINETEEN
NO BAIL OUT
NO CHEMISTRY
NO THICKER THAN WATER
NO TEARS FOR A LOSER
NOBODY ELSEíS MAN
NOBODYíS HEROES
NURSE ENEMA (with introduction)
O LORD, MY VANITY, ITíS KILLING ME
OBSCENE LANGUAGE
OBSESSIONS
OBITUARY FOR GERRY GABLE
ODDS AGAINST (AMERICAN ROULETTE)
ODE (1)
ODE (2)
ODE FROM THE CHANGING ROOM SHOWER (with introduction)
ODE FROM THE FRIESIAN CHURN
ODE TO A CAT C SCREW
ODE TO A (PUBLICITY) WHORE
ODE TO A REDHEAD
ODE TO A WANK (with introduction)
ODE TO ABSENT FRIENDS
ODE TO AN ANAL ORIFICE (with introduction)
ODE TO AN OBSCENE TOME with introduction)
ODE TO ANILINGUS (with introduction)
ODE TO CANIS URBANIS with introduction)
ODE TO COLIN IRELAND (with introduction)
ODE TO CUNNINLINGUS (with introduction)
ODE TO DESPERATE DAN
ODE TO DIANA
ODE TO DIARRHOEA (with introduction)
ODE TO FELLATIO (with introduction)
ODE TO PROMETHEUS
ODE TO SWEET SONIA
ODE TO THE GREAT WHITE BIGOT
ODE: TO THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE
ODE TO THE MOST EVIL JEW IN BRITAIN
ODE TO THE SKY
Ode To The SLIM Reaper (with introduction)
ODE TO THE SUN
ODE TO URALAGNIA (with introduction)
ODE TO WORMWOOD SCRUBS
OEDIPUS DIDICOI (with introduction)
OMERTÀ
ON ACCIDENTAL PLAGIARISM
ON BIGOTRY
ON BILLIARDS AND SNOOKER
ON CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND THE ULTRA-LEFT
ON HIS PASSING
ON MICHAEL HESELTINE AND WORKFARE
ON SOAP OPERAS
ON TAUTOLOGIES
ON TWO TYPES OF LICENCE
ONE GOOD TURN
ON WRITING LIMERICKS
ONE WAY FORWARD
ONLY MUGS
OSCAR AND REEVA
OUT
OWL
OYSTERS
PAINFUL MEDICINE
PAPAL ADVICE
PARAFFIN
PAST IMPERFECT
PATTERNS
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT
PICTURES OF MARGATE
PIGEONS
POLICEMANíS LOGIC
POLITE CONTEMPT
POSEURS
PRAYER FOR THE DESPAIRING
PREGABALIN DREAMS
PRINCE OF DARKNESS
PRISONERS
PRIVILEGE
PROMISES
QUIET REASON
QUIS CUSTODIET IPSOS CUSTODES?
R.I.P.
RAIN
RALEIGHíS REVENGE
READ ALL ABAHT IT!
RÉCIPE FOR DODO SOUP
REQUIESCAT
RETICENCE
REVOLUTION
RIBBLEHEAD AND MORE
RIPPLES
RONDEL OF THE WRETCHED
ROOKERY
ROOT OF ALL...
ROSE
ROSIE DODD
RUISLIP OWL
SALVATION
SATANIC CURSES
SCAB: DURCHCOMPONIERT AND OTTAVA RIMA
SCATALOGINODE: TO A FART
SCATALOGINODE: TO A STOOL (with introduction)
SCATOLIGICUS EROTICUM (Anthology)
SCIENCE VERSUS ART
SCHISM
SCUM
SEASONS
SEPTEMBER SONG (1)
SEPTEMBER SONG (2)
SESTINA
SEVEN SPECIES OF NEGRO BOXER
SEVEN WAYS TO EARN A LIFE SENTENCE
SHE NEARLY KILLED ME TOO
SHE THREW ME AWAY
SILENT SPRING (THE OUTSIDER RETURNS)
SILENT WITNESS
SINC(HER)ITY
SITUATIONS VACANT - LOSERS
SIX WAYS OR ONE OF LOOKING AT A CAR
SLOW HORSES AND FAST WOMEN
SNOOKER BALLS
SNOWBALLS
SNOWFLAKES
SNUFFED!
SODOMY OR SHARIA? (AN ODE TO THE AEDL)
SOLITUDE
SONG FOR A SOPHIST
SONG FOR A SUCKER
SONG FOR BIN LADEN
SONG FOR DAMIEN
SONG FOR JESSIE
SONG FOR JOANA
SONG FOR SHARON
SONG FOR THE DAY
SONG Oí THE DESPAIRED LAIRD
SONG OF BLUEBEARD
SONG OF CUCKMERE
SONG OF MUMIA
SONG OF POLANSKI
SONG OF THE ADL
SONG OF THE CANCER CLUB
SONG OF THE GIRAFFE
SONG OF THE HAPPY HOMOPHOBE (with introduction)
SONG OF THE LEARNÉD ELDERS
SONG OF THE NECROPHILIAC
SONG OF THE SHARK
SONG OF THE TABLOID HACK
SONG OF THE YORKSHIRE RIPPER
SONG OF TRAFALGAR
SONG OF ZION
SOUND ADVICE (1)
SOUND ADVICE (2)
SOUND OF THE SEA
SPIRALS
Stanzas Composed On The Morning Of 28th December 1984
STANZAS ON ONE OF THE PITFALLS OF HOMOSEXUALITY (with introduction)
STEPHEN WALDORF ON HIS IDEAL CAR
STEPPING STONES
STONED
STOP HUNTING: FOR FOX SAKE
STREET CLEANER
SUN FUN
SURVIVORS
TABOO
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN (Anthology)
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN (Poem - with introduction)
TATTOO
TAXI!
TEMPORAL BLISS
TEUTONIC OBSERVATIONS
THE AFRICAN
THE ALCHEMIST
THE AMBULANCE CHASER
THE ASIAN GROCER
THE BALLAD OF A WELL GREASED BUM (A MORAL TALE) (with introduction)
THE BALLAD OF BRIXTON GAOL
THE BALLAD OF JOHN REGINALD HALLIDAY CHRISTIE...
THE BEAST OF CRANLEY GARDENS
THE BLOOD COUNTESS
THE BRITISH AND THE ENGLISH
THE BUSMANíS MENTALITY
THE CAMEL
THE CARROT ANí THE STICK
THE CINCINNATI KID
THE CLASSICS
THE COME-ON
THE CONTINENTS: A MNEMONIC
THE CRUEL MISTRESS
THE DATING AGENCY
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TWO SQUARES
THE EXILE
THE FEARFUL MASTER
THE FEMINIST
THE FIFTY STATES
THE GAMBLER
THE GAMBLER AND THE MARTINGALE
THE GOOD DIE YOUNG
THE GREAT DESTROYER
THE HUNTER AND THE BEAR (THE STORY OF A COMPROMISE)
THE HUNTING OF THE QUARK
THE HUSTLER
THE INEVITABLE
THE JUDGE
THE KREMLINíS VIETNAM
THE LAST FAIRY TALE
THE LONDON DUNGEON
THE LONDON RAILWAY TERMINII
THE LONDON UNDERGROUND
THE LOST POEM
THE ďLOVEĒ THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME (with introduction)
THE ďLOVEĒ THAT HIDES ITS HEAD IN SHAME
THE LUCKY ONES
THE MASK
THE MISSIONARY
THE MORE THEY LEARN, THE LESS THEY KNOW
THE NEW REALISM
THE NEW X CERTIFICATE NURSERY RHYMES
THE NIGHT THE DOCTOR SUCKED MY DICK
THE NOUVEAU RICHE
THE NUN
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
THE PERFECT CRIME
THE PLANETS
THE POPE IS NOT A FAG
THE POPE ON MATERIALISM...
THE POSITIVE ALTERNATIVE (with introduction)
THE PRICE OF AN ORGASM
THE POSITIVE ALTERNATIVE
THE RAVEN
THE RIGHTEOUS ONE
THE RUT
THE SEASONS
THE SKEIN
THE SMELL OF PORK
THE SOMNAMBULISTS
THE SONG OF GEORGE MICHAEL
THE SONG OF MARY WHITEHOUSE
THE SONG OF WANDERING ANUS
THE SPIDER AND THE FLY
THE STAR RAIDERS
THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR
THE STRANGEST HATRED
THE TATTOOED FACE
THE TIGER IN THE SMOKE
THE THOUGHTS OF CHAIRMAN AL
THE TWO NATIONS
THE VULGARIAN
THE WOLF
THE WORD
THE WORLD WILL NOT MISS THIS WOMAN
THE YETI HUNTER
THIS AGE OF REASON
THOMAS CRAPPER LIVED HERE
THREE CLERIHEWS FOR RHIANNON BROOKER
THREE LITTLE WORDS
THREE WELL KNOWN CHEMICAL FORMULAE
THROUGH THE FIRE (REFLECTIONS ON CAMDEN TOWN WINOS)
TIME TO PUT THE QUEERS BACK IN THE CLOSET
TO A FART
TO A STOOL (with introduction)
TO A WISE AND NOBLE KING
TO DICK THOMPSON
TO F.J. IRSIGLER (AUTHOR, CORRESPONDENT AND FRIEND)
TOMORROW THE WORLD
TWELVE USEFUL DEFINITIONS FOR ASPIRING POET LAUREATES
TWO PHANTOMS
TWO PLANETS AND THEIR MOONS
TWO POEMS FOR NIGEL BROOKS
TWO SOCIAL CREDITERS
TWO THOUSAND AND TEN: A LAMENT
UNHOLY LOGIC
UNICORN SOUP
VERNALITIA
VIRIDIAN (Anthology)
VULCAN
WASTE WOOD, WASTE PAPER
WASTED YOUTH
WATCH THE BIRDIE
WATER BOATMEN
WAVES WITHIN
WE DONíT BELIEVE YOU
WE LUV KEN
WEíRE COMING FOR YOUR TELECOM SHARES (Anthology)
WHAT IS A POEM?
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SHADY JANE?
WHATEVER THEY WANT
WHATíS IN A FACE?
WHERE THE HEART IS
WHERE TO NOW, SAINT BRENDAN?
WHIP ME, HARVEY (with introduction)
WHITE LIGHT: A MNEMONIC
WHO SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH?
WHY EVIL?
WHY THE ROMAN EMPIRE REALLY FELL
WINDOWS
WINTER IS COMING
WINTER WORDS
WISHFUL THINKING
WOMAN OF SHADOWS
WORDS
WRONG SIDE OF THE RIVER (Anthology)
YANKEE GO HOME
YEARS
YOU CAN TRUST THE COMMUNISTS
YOU NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD
YOUR OBEDIENT SERVANT (with introduction)

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